Fat Lip & Gwen Stefani

I will preface this by saying that I am full of sass today so if you aren’t into hearing my sass maybe you should skip this blog today. Don’t worry,  I’ll catch you tomorrow, no hard feelings.

 

Ugh. Today was one of those days where you read status of your childless single friends and want to immediately do a Freaky Friday switch. No, I’m kidding. Of course I love my little man but seriously, one of my friends posted about her major life crisis today (filled with emoticons to express her despair) which was deciding if wedges are still in because if not she needs a whole new shoe collection.  Apparently someone had informed her that wedge shoes were going out of style and she was “freaking out.” Um…that’s not a problem, not a serious one at least. Or at least not a problem that I have had in a while. Don’t get me wrong, I have style problems like the rest of my late 20 something friends but they are a little different. My issues are a little more like this: I haven’t had a pedicure in 4 months and my feet resemble those belonging to a hobbit, I think my eyebrows are falling in love with one another and moving in together because I haven’t been for an eyebrow wax since before Christmas and my personal favorite: I wear infinity scarves not because they are in style but because they are a quick cover for the spit up on my shirts.  So while friend X was dealing with the shoe crisis of the century this was my day: My beautiful loving little boy somehow managed to get poop on the leather seats of my car, a garbage bag  exploded all over the kitchen floor when I tried to take it out of the garbage can and a child that decided that from 2pm on screaming was the only appropriate form of communication.

 

Yeah. I earned my glass of wine today. I earned it so much that I even added some chocolate and cheese to enjoy on the side.  Before I enjoyed that wonderful glass of wine my little guy had one last present for me, a fat lip. While at 6 months we pretty much have total head control sometimes around bedtime J get’s a little loopy. He is half asleep, one eye open trying to fight sleep the best he can and sometimes that head starts to wobble. My husband came in to give J a kiss goodnight and J decided that was a great time to whip his head into my tooth which was being heavily guarded by my lip. He was fine, not even fazed but I have a puffy lip. That was my Monday: baby poop on leather seats, garbage explosion, screaming and a fat lip.

 

So back to my glass of wine. It’s Monday so that means my wine is accompanied by The Voice, my guilty pleasure. I had tivo’d it and was totally ready to relax and unwind until the Gwen Stefani’s performance. Now, Gwen Stefani came out with Holla Back Girl when I was a junior in college and don’t think for one second I wasn’t spelling b-a-n-a-n-a-s at every frat party (whether the song was playing or not) I was at.  So normally I am a Gwen fan. The first thing I thought of when she came out on stage is Hey didn’t she have a baby recently? Yes she did and don’t worry she confirmed this for me right after she was done singing. Carson informed the audience that Gwen would be joining The Voice for season 7. When asked about how she fel,t Gwen’s response was this “I feel like I was just like giving birth and now here I am.” Do ya? Do ya feel like you were just giving birth? Listen, you gave birth at the end of Feburary and you look flipping fantastic. I gave birth 6 and a 1/2 months ago and I am just now buttoning my jeans without having to tuck in my own stomach fat beforehand. Gwen, every new mom literally wants to punch you in the face. I no longer really love you underneath it all. It’s over. Until tomorrow, when I have had a better day and am generally a nicer person.

 

That’s all,

-E

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